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Friday, July 20th, 2007
10:36 pm - Been a little while
Well it's been a little while let's see been doing some african dancing with my sister ashley lol some neighbors who moved in and asked if we'd like to learn to participate in a video that will air across massachusetts I guess, sounds pretty cool and it's fun also made my first new friend in a long time. Finally got approved for dta so we'll be having some cash coming in which is relaxing because i've been stealing diapers and juice to get by and it's scary and hard as hell sometimes but I do it for nicki i don't think she should have to go without because of me. I applied for a job might be getting one at dunkin donuts lame I know but it's a job. Steve and I have been fighting off and on all day he has a bit of a temper i don't know what's going on with that too much he threatend to run off to new york to be honest I don't give a fuck there's nothing he does for me here now that I would need from him if he left I basically take care of nicollette myself and to be honest my livejournal friend I haven't been in love with him anymore for quite awhile but us girls arent ones to dump those we hate now are we? We talked a little about heading back to new york to be honest we're so lost on what to do right now i'm trying to get into college for fall semester I want to major in Psychology but I don't have a GED or Diploma yet they have undergraduate classes but i'm confused on how that works. How is everyone else? Hope all is well.

current mood: discontent

(Whisper to me)

Monday, April 30th, 2007
1:41 pm - do you want a cookie or something?
Wow reading some entries and give me a fuckin break, is it ur trying to justify the things you do wrong to make you feel better? so much to say but i dont need the drama i miss my brother and i hope hes doing well, things are ok here actually picking up lots of programs have opened up and i think things are going to get better not that half the ppl on my list have me added anyways lol but to anyone who does read every once in awhile how are ya? Nicki is doing great man shes beautiful and very very smart she talks quite a bit shes fun to play with like my best lil buddy =) god knows i dont have any of those since i've come back and i'm not really sure why either, maybe its well she has a baby so she cant go out and have fun, not true. Ive gone out here and there with my sis ashley been addicted to this rpg game lol its called Heroia quite addictive at least i can get time in before i most likely start a cna program for 10wks then they place you right into a job, not so bad id prolly work maternity or children =) hope all is well Blessed be

current mood: irritated

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Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
1:35 am - A much needed update
God it's been awhile ya know I used to worship my journal but it seems I just stopped after awhile but I think I should write in this more often especially if this post will make me feel better. So I don't know who reads this old thing but if you do I could use your advice. Hopefully i'll type ok considering it seems that now i'm writing the tears are coming on their own. I think I made a mistake and i'm so lost I don't know what I am doing anymore. I'm 20 years old with a daughter who is like my private little Goddess and have I failed her? I recently dragged steven back with me to my parent's house in Massachusetts. We had a nice little apartment in Niagara Falls although many things went down that I didn't like my baby had a nice bed and always had food and what she needed. I had gotten almost 2,000 in taxes and gave them to my sister to bank for me and that was my back up $$ but I got careless and started grabing money out spending it on trips out to eat or dinners not all of it just some of it here and there before I knew it well about 8 months later it was gone (altho some was spent on things im not rdy to talk about yet) this was our first place and I thought I had everything planned but the next thing I knew we were a month and $100 short on rent and steves mom was paying the bills which was just great because I hated asking her for anything made me feel so helpless.I panicked and decided to leave..I didn't tell my sister or even my best friend just took nicki and steve on a 12 hour bus ride and came back to my home this hell hole that sucks you in..I didn't think i'd regret it thought it was the best thing didn't think I had a choice but now I can't stop thinking about it and how wrong I probably am...by not telling my sister she found out and we got into a huge fight I just talked to her on the phone the first time in a couple months last night started out hostle but ended decent..she said if i come back she wont help me as much as she did again because she feels used..but I swear on nicki those were not my intentions. I thought maybe when I get my taxes in jan I could consider going back...trying once more..I don't know...Anyone have any thoughts?? Thanks for listening.

current mood: confused

(Whisper to me)

Tuesday, August 22nd, 2006
6:08 pm - Home
So lately i've been thinking about it a lot and I may very well be coming back home to Massachusetts. There's I think more back there for us then there is here and I was pushed into moving here anyways. We got a lot more help from programs in Mass and I could go back to school and have my mom was Nicki or they have better day care services there. I don't know I guess my sister has a bf moving in and was going to suggest a trip here to get us and my brother and his gf would come i figure we could stay the night here and then leave in the morning. Maybe its not the best idea I don't know I just think about it all the time. Other than that Nicki is good learning all kinds of things but I think she might be hiting those terrible 2's lol I love her to death though shes like my lil buddy. Hope you guys are well. Blessed be

current mood: contemplative

(Whisper to me)

Monday, July 31st, 2006
5:46 pm
What Will Happen After Your Death?

Choose Your Own Adventure from Quiz Galaxy!

... "The devil replies that this is hell, and that he just (contrary to popular belief) loves to party. He gives you a lei and you rush over to the beer keg, where Elvis is the keg master. You spend the rest of eternity going shot for shot with Jim Morrison."

'What Will Happen After Your Death?'
Choose Your Own Adventure at QuizGalaxy.com

(Whisper to me)

Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
11:31 pm
Man I haven't written in this thing forever seems like I used to all the time not quite sure why I stopped Umm let's see a lot has happened but i'm sure not everything needs to be mentioned. Nicollette is doing so well running around like crazy, dancing, and starting to talk she can say things like flower and pack back (from dora the explorer) her fav thing to say is "OOoooh Woooooow" lol shes adoreable im gunna post an updated pic but it might take up some space im outta touch on pic posting so dont get too pissed at me! I dont even know who has me added anymore but I feel like I might start posting again. I started a new job working at a grocery store (Wegmans) I work nights because steve works days now at Home Depot in Gardening lol he loves it though. I like my shifts ill be about 5-11 or so not bad I guess i did pretty well for my first day of cashing, its just dealing with people that can be a pain in the ass..Hmm my sister recently graduated from NCCC for nutrition shes going back for nursing in the fall and we're trying to have me signed up for January I think i've decided I want to deliever Babies. :) lets see my brother and his loser gf called not too long ago wanting to move in with their baby I had to say no because we can only support ourselves right now, plus we dont get along to well..My brother is getting married and I wish I could go to mass for it but I don't think it would work out..other than that not too much I can think of at this moment but i'm sure it'll come to me here's Nicki as of now and blessed be <3

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

current mood: content

(1 whisper | Whisper to me)

Thursday, February 9th, 2006
12:15 am - Birthday
Well today was my birthday i'm now 20 heh ive been so obsessed with myspace i havent been on here lately. Everything is going ok my sis got me a nightmare before christmas sweatshirt and steves mom gave me and steve some money to go out to eat but thats really all i got but i dont wanna sound greedy like i expected more...heh. umm things are good nicki is doing so well and starting to talk a lot of jibberish nothing big has really happened just been working and doin the usual. i plan to have a lil party saturday but i dunno if its gunna come thru i saw an ice cream cake i want its got peanut m&ms in it hehe but yeah..i should write in this more thats all for the moment tho. blessed be <3

current mood: content

(2 whispers | Whisper to me)

Sunday, January 15th, 2006
10:39 pm
I went to my first rock/metal concert and it was fucking awesome they were local bands but they kicked ass ne ways i dont post much lately cuz i guess like most ppl ive been sucked into myspace, so if ya want check it out blessed be <333


current mood: cheerful

(2 whispers | Whisper to me)

Saturday, January 7th, 2006
3:56 pm - Here is Nicollette on Christmas :)
Didnt know how to cut it sry guys but she sure is gettin big heh


(9 whispers | Whisper to me)

Sunday, December 18th, 2005
10:59 pm - Si..si i am bored and felt like taking this..
1. How old were you when you got your first real kiss? 15

2. How do you flush the toilet in public? Um with my hand onless theres some magic way i should know about

3. Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? only when i'm with steves parents or my sister because they make me and i guess if im in the front seat..so yea most of the time

4. Do you have a crush on someone? yea like 30 ppl heh

5. Name one thing that you start to get tense about if you are close to running out of it: Toilet Paper

6. What famous person do you (or other people) think you resemble? ive been told Elizabeth Taylor

7. What is your favorite pizza topping? Hamburger

8. Finish this sentence: In 5 years from now...I'll hopefully be in College and possibly working as a nurse

9. Do you crack your knuckles? Nope

10. What song do you hate the most when it gets stuck in your head? i dont think ive paid enough attention to know

11. Did just mentioning that song make it get stuck in your head? Nah

12. What are your super powers? I can see the future sometimes

13. Peppermint or spearmint? spearmint

14. Where are your car keys? i dont have a car

15. Who's answers to this questionnaire do you want to hear? Anyones i guess

16. What's your most annoying habit? biting my nails, i can never get them to grow

17. Where did you last go on vacation? I don't think I ever have

18. If you could punch one person in the nose and get away with it, who would it be? it would be a few people

19. What is your best physical feature? My eyes

21. What 3 things can always be found in your refrigerator? Milk, American deli cheese and butter

22. What superstition do you believe/practice? None

25. Do you talk on your cell phone when you drive? I dont drive

26. What are your favorite sayings? umm..nigga plz lol

27. What song(s) do you sing most often in the shower? whatever my fav was on the radio that day

28. If you could go back or forward in time would you and where would you go? I wouldn't go back onless most of my future would turn out differently

29. What is your favorite Harrison Ford movie? not sure

30. What CD is in your car stereo? no car = no stereo

31. What OCD qualities do you have? I like to count things

32. How many kids do you plan on having? well i have one and i wouldnt mind 1 or 2 more

33. If you could kiss anyone famous who would it be? Johnny Depp

34. Would you really want to kiss someone you didn't know, even if they are famous? Only him

35. What do you do when no one is watching? pick my nose


37.Would you rather die in a blaze of glory or peacefully in your sleep? In my sleep

38. What candy, from when you were a kid, do you miss the most? These foot long sticks of bubble gum we got them off the ice cream truck

39. Favorite movie? Anne Rice - Interview with the vampire

40. Favorite musician you've seen in concert? I've only been to one and i cant say they're my fav.

(Whisper to me)

10:55 pm - Ermm...I dunno..possibly
Which Vampire would be Yours? (girls only plz) ((NOW WITH PICS))

brought to you by Quizilla

and thx to those who told me you still read *huggle* <3

current mood: calm

(Whisper to me)

Friday, December 16th, 2005
10:03 pm - Just an update I guess
Well i dont really think anyone reads this thing anymore but if they dont its for me right? I suppose...anyways sigh..not too much going on really just me and steve working and then being together after work when we can usually i work in the mornings and get home in the afternoon then hes leaving anywhere from 5 or 6 and gone until midnight or later and i have work early so i dont have too much time to stay up with them. Nicollette is good shes just laying down in my bedroom with me shes on her lil mattress that had to be moved in here since she doesnt wanna sleep alone in her crib in her bedroom. Me and steve want to get a kitten and i have a friend who has one for us but my sister says if they dont get their shots and get neutured it can be a huge problem and so since we have the baby and all i guess it would be better to save up like $100 and get one from the spca thats already taken care of. i havent had much money to do any christmas shopping so that kinda sux..but its awesome to be in our own apartment so id rather make sure i have the rent money paid rather then buy who knows what..altho whenever i get play money i usually end up buying things we need. Theres a possibiliy of staying a night with my family but i dunno its when steve has court again in mass. but i guess its upto his dad so we'll see..other than that ive been just watching a lot of cartoon network with nicki especially Code Lyoko and steve likes Yu Gi Oh lately lol..well ne way thats it, blessed be

current mood: tired

(4 whispers | Whisper to me)

Thursday, December 1st, 2005
10:19 pm
well here i am, bored with Nicollette on my lap..Yea shes still up and she used to be a on a schedule of like 9 o clock but lately when i put her in her crib all she does is scream and cry because she doesnt wanna sleep in it...i tried leting her cry it out but she cried for like 20mins and i started to feel really bad so here she is all over me and shes tired but wont goto sleep yet *sigh* her birthday is next weekend she'll be a year old..heh..well not too much to say i guess i met a friend danielle who lived upstairs she moved but she still visits me from time to time shes cute :) she has a gf but hey i have a bf right lol plus shes 15 so yea but shes cool to hang with we're supposed to have some lil pot and alcohol party sometime soon with some of her friends.. ne way nicki is fussing so im off to try n get her to sleep. blessed be

current mood: tired

(1 whisper | Whisper to me)

Friday, November 25th, 2005
7:01 pm
Just so ppl know me and steve are still alive n well with the baby :) we're in our new apartment and if anyone feels like calling feel free 283-0813 we dont have his computer hooked up yet so thats why i havent wrote in here for awhile but it should be up soon, blessed be

current mood: content

(Whisper to me)

Saturday, October 29th, 2005
6:55 pm - ?
Do we set the clocks back tonight?

current mood: content

(2 whispers | Whisper to me)

Wednesday, October 26th, 2005
5:47 pm
Steve and I are about to go get our halloween costumes but in the mean time...blea...

Two Names I Go By: Amber and Amby

Two Parts of My Heritage: Italian and Irish

Two Things That Scare Me: Being Alone in the dark and being alone in general

Everyday Essentials: Music and Steve ;)

Two Things I Am Wearing Right Now: A green and white athletic shirt (haha) and jeans

Two of My Favorite Bands or Musical Artists: Metallica and Depeche Mode

Two of My Favorite Songs:Enjoy the Silence and Sad but true

Two Things I Want in a Relationship (other than Real Love): Trust and Communication

Two Physical Things that Appeal to Me: Eyes and Lips

Two of My Favorite Hobbies: Anything to do with Vampires and RPG's

Two Things I Want Really Badly: A kick ass steak and cheese sub, my tooth removed or sumthin =/

Two Places I Want to go on Vacation: Cancun, California

Two Things I Want to Do Before I Die: Experiance something Magical/Paranormal, See my daughter get Married

Two people I would like to see do this: I dunno I was just killing time.

current mood: blah

(Whisper to me)

Monday, October 24th, 2005
10:15 pm
Blah, I'm bored =/

current mood: bored

(Whisper to me)

Thursday, October 20th, 2005
9:58 pm
Well my feet are killing me from having really shity shoes so I went and baught some from work and they'll take it right outta my check but steves mom saw how bad they are and didn't want me wearing them until my new ones come so yea she had me buy another pair, i just spent $40 on new ones and spent $20 on some tonight but thats not too bad really plus they're cute I suppose, I have an obsession with the shoes i buy they have to be cute or else i dont want em heh...Me and steve should be in our new apartment by mid next month hopefully sooner, its located on the falls blvd past tops a lil its a lil brick apartment building its pretty nice.Nicollette is getting so big and starting to stick out her tongue and try to talk lol shes a cutie i baught her and i and steve some new winter coats they're pretty nice hers is poofy and pink hehe other than that not much else going on cept i feel like shit and my sis is trying to convince me i should live my life like she lives hers *cough* not gunna happen I'm me and nobody else and I do things how i feel they should be done but anyways im gunna go wait for steve to get home from work which wont be until like 12:30 and ill prolly pass out waiting but oh well. Blessed be

current mood: blah

(1 whisper | Whisper to me)

Saturday, October 15th, 2005
10:26 pm - New..
Well me and Steve were looking thru the paper and we called a few apartments but nothing really came through then we found a landlord who is also my friend annies landlord and at first she brought us in and showed us an apartment that was really nice and i guess decent pay for a 2 bedroom so we told her we'd be by with the social sec deposit at 4 so it was all good then we bring it by today and she says she sold it to someone else because she didn't think i'd mind, i guess a girls mom is sick and really needed the apartment so then the landlord said to follow her and she'd show us another one well steves mom was all bitchy and annoying but when we got there and had a look its actually kinda nicer then the one we woulda got, so she said the woman there is pregnant and wants a bigger place so she'll be out by the first of the month or hopefully earliar so we can get in there and start getting stuff setup so im really happy to finally have my own place where i'll be able to do things my way and light my incense and burn my candles n shit w/out any problems and raise my daughter the way I feel she should be raised without being told i'm wrong. =) on the other hand i still have breakdowns sometimes about the whole abortion thing..i have an appt. tues to make sure it all went well...sigh..blessed be

current mood: hopeful

(2 whispers | Whisper to me)

Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
10:23 pm - The past..and now
Ya know I was just looking at some of my really old journal entries, pretty much dating back to when I had a winter concert in chorus..heh yeah crazy...ya know whats hard to believe tho? Nicollette is 10 months old...which means 10 months ago I was siting in health class in school telling my health teacher i think im pregnant...i had lived with my parents...moved to a shelter...got fucked over by new room mates, moved to ny and had a baby all in 10 months that shit is just too crazy to think about...wow..

current mood: sad

(Whisper to me)

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